Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
