he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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