Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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