pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
