A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
