you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
