and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
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she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
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I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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