Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
