Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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