I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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