Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i think im in europe. pls send help
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