my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
