I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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