the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
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