i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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