I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
either way he was missing a nipple.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
