stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
