She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
