girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
