Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize