I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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