I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
