so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I smell stomach acid.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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