no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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