i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
