Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
