U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
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She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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