I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
