I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
