Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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