i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
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Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
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He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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