i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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