yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
