dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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