went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
