Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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