So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
