The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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