Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
