Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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