If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
