Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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