how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
do herpes really smell.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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