I must be too annoying 4 u.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
