I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I didn't notice because vodka
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
