kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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