i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
