so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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