Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You are a genius and a whore.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
