Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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