When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
