You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
