a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
