mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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