shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
