nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
