is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
