That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
