go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
