She is in my trunk
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
