If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
