the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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