Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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