I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
