Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize